Peaceful Planning

It’s been a while since my last post – school will do that to you. Another reason for it is that the big items for the wedding were taken care of for by the first week of April. That is a big relief. With graduation in less than two weeks, now it’s time for all of the details and that’s not something I’m looking forward to. Our tentative planning schedule is:

1. Week of May 17 – Finalize guest list and confirm total number of invitations needed
2. May 22^nd Weekend – Order invitations
3. Week of May 22^nd – Find alternative place to do gown alterations
4. First week of June – Have a meeting with Entertainment vendor, work on “run of show” schedule for the reception & start paying vendors
5. June 6^th – Engagement photo session with Bill.
6. 3^rd or 4^th week of June – Have a bridal party even though we’re not doing a registry. Just an occasion for the ladies to get together.
7. 2^nd week of June – 1^st wedding dress fitting
8. Last week of June – Send out wedding invitations – red bombs to hit mail boxes by first week of July with an RSVP date in late August.
9. First week of July – Meet with reception venue manager to decide on menu.
10. Sometime in July – Find liquor warehouse for the open bar
11. First week of August – order wedding favors
12. 2^nd week of August – Meet with DJ and MC to confirm “run of show” schedule
13. Mid August – Qi pao arrives!
14. Last week of August into first week of September – Final dress fitting for wedding dress and qi pao
15. Sometime in August – Bachelor and Bachelorette parties
16. September 11^th – Ceremony rehearsal

I recently started a new job at McGuire AFB coordinating programs and events, so I’m back to my event planning and logistics mode. *smile* But that is the high level game plan for the moment. So far I’ve been doing ok with everything. Acquaintances and friends keep asking me how my plans are going and I have to honestly answer them that April was “I’m taking a break”, meaning it was a break from all of the serious stuff (appointments, coordination, meetings, late night discussions with parents) to focus on the last leg of the semester. So my “break” wasn’t much of a break, it was moving my focus from one serious planning project to another. Even then, some wedding stuff snuck in between.

From all of the work that needs to be done, I’m calm but it is the calm before the storm. Just last week I warned and apologized in advance to Jerry for possible fussing, blurt outs and frustrated rants that may come in the critical last few months. My timeline on theknot.com has been helpful as a check list, but there are other details that need to be considered based on the type of wedding we’re having. They do not include for example, “Order overly worrying relatives monthly dosage of Chill Pills”. Even though there are extreme cases of Bridezillas out there for whatever reason, I can understand how brides can be pushed to the limit. Sometimes it’s not her doing and there is only so much that she can control. The worst part of the process thus far is finding compromise amongst both sides of the family and us and for some folks to assume that we’re just going to do it their way. Not exactly – we’re easy going but not push overs. Before starting the whole planning process we talked and agreed on our “Non-Negotiables” – these are the elements of our wedding that are most important to us and willing to fight for, no ands ifs or buts and others will just have to respect it if they truly love us. Everything else doesn’t matter and will always change throughout the planning so it’s not worth the pain for us and others.

Our Non-Negotiables:

1. Our ceremony (wherever it maybe) will be God and Christ centered. Our relationship would never have happened without prayer and our marriage will not have a chance without Him.
2. We will uphold and respect our cultural traditions with a Chinese reception and ceremony. Even though it may be an inconvenience to us and guests who are used to Western style weddings it’s what we recognize as a wedding. Even as a jook sing, been to both types of weddings – I grew up dreaming about my big red and loud Chinese wedding.
3. We decide our bridal party and the decision should be trusted. The friends and family that we chose to help us
   

   Wedding planning update meeting with the bridal party back in March. I had a meeting agenda and draft schedule for the wedding day...oh yeah, that's how I play.

   along this process was for us. These are the lovely people who been with us through thick and thin throughout our lives, know us and love us individually as much as a couple and are able to commit whole heartedly in planning. Also, they have to love and demonstrated a good chemistry with our parents since they are very involved in the wedding process – most importantly are able to keep us in check when our parents drive us nuts. We trust them to support us with all of the planning details, help us with their thoughts with OUR best interests in mind and to represent us well. We knew that we wanted a small bridal party – it’s quality not quantity for us, plus decreasing the chances of drama is a BIG benefit.

This would be my best advice in wedding planning next to communicate frequently with your bridal party– agree on your Non-Negotiables, stick with them and every thing else is immaterial, really. Let everyone else worry over the rest. This has helped me to stay calm throughout a lot of the planning because there were only a few things that were REALLY critical to us. Do I care that the bridesmaids dresses are not floor length gowns for a church ceremony? No. Is it going to matter that my wedding favors are unoriginal and not packaged so pretty as others? Not at all. Do we care that we’re having a large guest list, over 50% of people we really don’t know? Sort of, but sticking to our traditions and respecting the fact that our family is our family is more important to us. It’s a wedding and we intend to do it only once. When it’s all said and done a lot of hours and money would go into one day but it is just another day because there is a marriage after all of that. We’ll have nothing left except pictures and each other. A couple does not agree to a lifetime commitment to just plan and have a wedding.

With all of the details that I include in my entries, including my feelings, I have to say that I’m honestly calm with the planning so far and for me to truly enjoy our special day I have to continue this peaceful mood for the last several (and crucial) months.

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